Clearly you have been reading too many of that Aesop guy’s lies! The truth is, when you spray a little WD40 on a tortoise’s shell, flip it on its back and send it down a hill, well, they are FAST AS SHELL.* As will you be when you throw on these blue-lensed tortoiseshell shades!

Your move, Hare.

*(We do not condone the use of WD40 on live turtles. This is just a joke, people.)